Our Story Begins…
This crazy journey begins, March 17, 2001. This is the day I married my best friend, Chris. Our lives together started as most, consumed with one another, just happy to be with the other and trying to live our dreams.
As time passed we decided to let “things” happen on the baby front of our relationship. Which is to say, we weren’t going to try to have a baby but we weren’t going to stop it either. By this time we had been married 5 years, and wanted to start the family we both wanted. We kept this philosophy for about the next 3 years. Then we decided to have a real go of things and when things still weren’t materializing, I went to the doctor. She gave us some more information but basically said, she wasn’t worried and that we would make a more aggressive move if I wasn’t pregnant by 30.
Well 30 came and I still didn’t have a little bun in the oven, so we moved forward with the more aggressive plan. I started seeing a fertility doctor here in Louisville. And to say the least I had a horrible experience! But we will save that for a little later. They started with checking to see if I was ovulating, I was (I even had both ovaries about to release eggs on that first visit). They checked Chris’ sperm, and though there were some issues, nothing devastating. So we decided to do IUI (intrauterine Insemination). This is where they monitor me for peak fertility and once I am the most fertile they take the sperm, wash it and put it in the uterus.
Now for the horrible ordeal part and how bad I felt about my experience and about myself. I feel it is important for all women to know, this is NOT the way you should ever be treated. So on with it…a little history about me (if you don’t know me), I am overweight and short, which just makes me look like a little round dumpling. Second just because I am over weight doesn’t mean I sit on my butt all day and eat bon-bon’s. With that being said, every visit and I mean EVERY visit I was told I was overweight and If I really wanted to get pregnant I would do something about that. Well, I did. But 1-2 pounds every 2 or so weeks wasn’t good enough to not be told, I need to lose weight and that I wasn’t losing fast enough. At one point I was even told I was lying about not having an irregular period (because every overweight woman has irregular periods *insert sarcasm). So to say that I dreaded seeing these people is an understatement and after several IUI’s, I still wasn’t pregnant, which compounded every emotion I was feeling and at this point, I was depressed and never wanted to set foot in that office again.
So the life lesson I gleamed from this experience is you have to find a doctor or place you are comfortable with and you should be able to leave that place, feeling encouraged and that you aren’t alone in this heart wrenching process. Because that’s what it is, heart wrenching. As a woman, when you can’t reproduce it is devastating. I felt worthless, because the one thing I am supposed to be able to do, that I am literally made to do, having a baby, I can’t! And to be in a place that steps on your back, pushing you deeper into darkness, into that hole of nothingness. Where sympathy and understanding is not the first thing you are offered sucks!
*Foot note: I am not saying I didn’t need a kick in the pants on my weight (I did) but my weight isn’t all of who I am, I am BROOKE and I deserve better. This goes for every aspect of my life, your life, we deserve the best.